I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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