yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
