My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
