There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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