My nipple is on Facebook.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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