I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it's like heaven, but drunker
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
