WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
