I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
