Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
