For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
