The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
