You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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