Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
