we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
one might say we're banned from that church
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
