very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
