maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
