It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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