I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your cock deserves a montage
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
