I hate your face
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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