decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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