I'm jealous of your bromance
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
