i just wanna soil my oats bro
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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