I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
