Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
