I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
