my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
