I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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