i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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