Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
