Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
