so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
