Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
so much tequila, so little girl.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
