I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i drank out of a bidet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
