Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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