do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
