please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
