oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
