Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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