non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
