just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
