You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
