I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize