the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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