Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
