There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Found your dick twin last night
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
