I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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