Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
