I checked into jail on foursquare
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
