we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
