i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
