I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
