she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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