when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
