Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
