9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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