i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
