My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
