I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
