I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
