If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
