I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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