And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
