I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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