dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
