I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
