never play flip cup with pint glasses
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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