yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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